Summary: Conversations are had, understandings are reached.

[Read on AO3]

19:37 Hulk Hyogi
Hey, hyung.
So, out of
idle curiosity, how’s your butt?

19:38 Wonchic
Hey, Sanghyuk.
And that
depends. Which butt are you talking about?

19:38 Hulk Hyogi
The one with a mind of
its own, of course. If you want to give an update on the other one, too,
though, be my guest.

19:38 Wonchic
Butt’s been a perfect
angel, thanks for asking.
I don’t know why I
didn’t start bringing him to the studio sooner, it’s really nice having company
while I work. You know, that doesn’t talk back and can’t distract me.

19:38 Hulk Hyogi
Oh, I’m sure you get
plenty distracted regardless. I know how you get around cute things.

19:39 Wonchic
I’m going to ignore
that last statement.
So, what’s been going
on at home base?

19: 39 Hulk Hyogi
Well, Leo-hyung made
kimchi jjigae for dinner
N-hyung picked up a
stray
Hongbin nearly heaved
his chair through the window again playing Overwatch
You know, the usual.

19:39 Wonchic
I could really go for
some kimchi jjigae right now. Did you save me any, perchance?

19:40 Hulk Hyogi
Well, we saved some,
but it’ll probably be gone by the time you get home, sorry to say. I know you
were planning on spending the night at the studio, and you’ll probably die a
horrible, tragic death if you try to come home in this weather anyway.

19:40 Wonchic
True. I guess I’ll
just starve, then. Such is my fate. ㅠㅠ

19:41 Hulk Hyogi
I’ll compose a
stirring ballad in your memory, hyung. VIXX will do its best to soldier on with
5 members. Or, you know, you could just eat the leftover kimbap Leo-hyung
packed for you, either or.

19:41 Wonchic
You’re such a
thoughtful and considerate dongsaeng.

19:41 Hulk Hyogi
I try.

19:45 Wonchic
…
Wait.
N-hyung picked up a
stray???

19:45 Hulk Hyogi
GEEZ, WONSHIK-HYUNG,
TOOK YOU LONG ENOUGH.
I was wondering if I’d
have to actually spell it out for you in big sparkly neon letters!

19:46 Wonchic
I’m sorry, it’s been a
long day!
But for real, he
actually picked up a stray?
What is it, dog or
cat?
Are we keeping it?
Most importantly, is it cute?

19:47 Hulk Hyogi
In order:
Yeah, came home with
Astro’s leader Jinjin in his arms like they just stepped out of a drama or
something, shit was intense.
Neither, though I’d
probably peg him as a dog person if I had to guess
Alas, no, N-hyung
won’t let us. Watch this space, though, Jaewhan’s trying to wear him down and I
think he might be succeeding.
And here, see for
yourself:

19:47 Wonchic
!!!!!!!!

19:48 Hulk Hyogi
IKR. N-hyung is
already completely smitten, and Ken-hyung’s not much better.

19:48 Wonchic
I don’t
blame them. Kid’s criminally adorable.
Why is he all beat up, though? 😦 Did he
get into a fight or something?

19:48 Hulk Hyogi
Got mugged. N-hyung
happened to be walking by with groceries as it happened, so he scared away the
attackers and took Jinjin home with him.

19:49 Wonchic
OMG you weren’t
kidding when you said it was like something out of a drama.
Though is that… one of your
shirts he’s wearing?

19:49 Hulk Hyogi

Well, given that his
original clothes are kinda currently soaked in mud, blood, and rainwater, yes. Yes,
it is.

19:50 Wonchic
Goodness. Well, nice to know I’m not blind yet, at least.

Also I feel like
Chopper is staring into my soul there. 0_0 Let me guess. Ken-hyung’s idea?

19:50 Hulk Hyogi
Do you know anyone
else who likes collecting One Piece merch around here?

19:51 Wonchic
You need to stop
spending so much time around Hongbin, Hyukkie, he’s a horrible influence on your sarcasm
levels.

19:51 Hulk Hyogi
Jealousy does not
become you, Kim Ravi. （￣へ￣）

19:51 Wonchic
I’m not even
dignifying that with a response.

19:51 Hulk Hyogi
Didn’t you just?

19:52 Wonchic
Quiet you.
Astro… isn’t that the new
rookie group that just debuted this year, who did that dance cover of Voodoo
Doll last year that N-hyung made us all watch?

19:52 Hulk Hyogi
>:P
The very same.

19:53 Wonchic
Gosh, good thing he
stepped in then. That could have been… bad.

19:53 Hulk Hyogi
You’re telling me.
Poor guy seems kinda shaken up over it, though I don’t think it’s quite set in
all the way yet.

19:54 Wonchic
Right, that’s it, I’m
coming home right now, rain or no rain.

19:55 Hulk Hyogi
Your funeral, hyung. And
I mean that literally, there’ve been a bunch of car accidents this evening, and
the authorities are advising people stay off the roads if they can. Astro’s
picking Jinjin up tomorrow because of it.

19:55 Wonchic
…
So what you’re saying
is, I have to wait to meet him tomorrow.

19:56 Hulk Hyogi
Yup.

19:56 Wonchic
And I’ll have to come
early if I want to meet him before his group retrieves him.

19:56 Hulk Hyogi
Yup.

19:56 Wonchic
And I’m not getting
any kimchi jjigae.

19:56 Hulk Hyogi
Yup.

19:57 Wonchic
>:[
Life officially hates
me.

19:57 Hulk Hyogi
Yup.

19:57 Wonchic
You’re enjoying this,
aren’t you, you punk.

19:57 Hulk Hyogi
Little bit.

19:58 Wonchic
Brat.

19:58 Hulk Hyogi
Awwww, love you too,
hyung. ( ˘ ³˘)~♡

 

0000000

 

Jinjin slowly pries
his eyes open, feeling like lead weights are attached to his eyelids. He stares
up at an unfamiliar ceiling, and has a brief moment of panic before the events
of the day all come rushing back. Crap. He fell asleep, didn’t he.

“Hey, Jinwoo-ah.” Jinjin
turns to see N sitting on the floor at the foot of the couch, a laptop in his
lap. “How are you feeling?” The dancer sets aside his laptop and crawls over to
kneel beside the couch, placing a hand on the boy’s forehead.

Jinjin tries to focus
past how nice N’s cool hand feels against his hot skin and mentally takes
stock. “Like someone ran me over with a car.” Oh, he sounds like it, too, not good.

“That bad, huh?” N
winces sympathetically. “Do you need more painkillers?”

“If it wouldn’t be too
much trouble,” Jinjin croaks sheepishly. “How long was I out?”

“A few hours,” N replies, getting smoothly to his feet and rummaging around in
the medicine cabinet in the bathroom. “Are you hungry, by the way? I could get
you something, if you want.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t want
to impose-” His stomach cuts him off with a loud, rumbly growl, causing N to chuckle
and Jinjin to blush hotly.

“So that’s a yes,
then,” N says teasingly, bringing the bottle of pills back over to the couch
along with another cup of water. “And you’re not imposing in the slightest.
Besides, since we’ll be keeping you overnight, I don’t want to have to explain
to your members that we let you starve while you were in our care, now do I?”

“I’m staying
overnight?” Jinjin asks confusedly as N shoves the pill bottle and the cup into
his hands and then bustles into the kitchen.

“Yup. We don’t want to
risk something happening while the weather’s this bad. Which reminds me, I
called MJ while you were sleeping. He’ll be informing your manager about what
happened, and they’ll be by first thing in the morning to pick you up.”

“Oh.” Jinwoo blinks.
“How did you get his number?”

“I have my ways,” N
says mysteriously, eliciting a small grin from Jinjin. “Actually, I remembered
your group is quite close with KNK, and Leo is pretty good friends with Youjin,
so from there, it was easy to his number, and then get Myungjun’s.” He grins
and pops back into the kitchen and Jinjin hears him rummaging around in the
refrigerator and placing something into the microwave.

“Oh, Jinjin!” comes
Ken’s bright, strident voice, causing the boy to turn in the direction of the
bedrooms to see the vocalist standing in the doorframe of one, grinning from
ear to ear. “You’re awake! Guys, Jinjin’s awake!”

Heads begin appearing
in the doorways of the other rooms, and soon, the entirety of VIXX, sans Ravi,
is gathered in the living room, though the rapper notices they’ve taken great
pains to not crowd him. N must have said something to them earlier about it.
Jinjin has to fight down a smile at the thought, even as all the sudden
attention makes him squirm a little bit.

“Oh, Jinjin, I don’t
think you’ve had a chance to meet Leo or Hongbin yet,” N observes as he carries
in a bowl of something hot and steaming. “Taekwoonie, Hongbinnie, Park Jinwoo.
Jinwoo-ah, Jung Taekwoon and Lee Hongbin.”

“Pleased to meet you,
sunbaes,” Jinjin says, doing his best to come across as calm, cool, and in
control of the situation, even though he’s anything but. At least his voice
sounds less ragged now that he’s had something to drink.

“Pleased to meet you,
too,” Hongbin replies, flashing a friendly, dimpled grin.  

“Leo made the stew,” Hyuk
supplies helpfully as N helps him get propped up on the pillows so that he can
eat comfortably.

“It looks delicious,”
Jinjin tells the slender, quiet man leaning against the doorframe to the
kitchen sincerely. Leo doesn’t answer, but Jinwoo doesn’t miss the slight
dusting of pink that appears on his cheeks or his small, shy smile as he
glances away bashfully.

“Now, before we go any
further, it’s okay if you’d rather eat by yourself,” N assures him, giving his
pillow one last little pat. “I can send these punks straight back to their
rooms if you don’t want an audience.”

“No, it’s alright, hyung,” Jinjin speaks up quickly.
His members would kill him if he let this chance to get to know a senior idol
group better pass him by, and honestly, he wouldn’t blame them. “I don’t mind
at all, really.”

“Well then, don’t be
shy. Eat up, there’s plenty,” N encourages, and Jinjin does, unable to resist
the wonderful aroma of the stew wafting up from the bowl in his lap any longer.
He’s hungrier than he thought and devours the whole bowl in record time, too
hungry to pay much attention to how much swallowing hurts his poor, bruised,
scratchy throat. The impromptu soaking he got in the rain didn’t do any favors for
his cold, though the medicine N had given him earlier thankfully seems to have
curtailed the worst of it.

As he eats, Ken begins
telling a silly story about when the group decided to go to an amusement park
by themselves during Halloween season, and N and Ravi got super spooked when
they got pulled into the local haunted house attraction by the others. Hyuk supplements
the narrative with his own observations, with Leo and Hongbin chiming in
occasionally as N does his level best to defend his and the absent rapper’s
honor by trying to adequately communicate just how scary it really was,
honestly anyone with the proper sense
would have been terrified, it’s not their fault whatsoever, and Jinjin nearly
chokes on a piece of cabbage, he’s laughing so hard.

After he’s done with his stew, it doesn’t take more than ten
seconds for N to quickly whisk his dirty dishes away into the kitchen while the
conversation turns to the latest, hottest drama currently airing on TV. Hyuk
and Hongbin get into a good-natured if heated argument about which male lead
the main heroine should end up with. Jinjin ends up siding with Hyuk and Ken
sides with Hongbin, and the living room briefly turns into an imitation of a
courtroom drama. The two ‘90 liners wisely choose to abstain from voting, and share
a bag of tteokbokki crackers between them as they look back and forth between
the debating parties like they’re watching a tennis match.

Even though Jinjin does his absolute level best to keep
up with the action, eating must have made him drowsy again, because his eyes
keep trying to close despite his best efforts to keep them open. N and Leo eventually
notice even though he tries to hide it, and after he tries to discretely smother
his third yawn behind his arm, N claps his hands and sits up straight, drawing
everyone’s attention.

“Alright, everyone!” he says brightly. “Sorry to break
this lively discussion up, but I know for a fact that Hongbin and Jaehwan have
early morning schedules tomorrow, so how about we all turn in and get some rest?”

“Awww, N-hyung!” Ken
and Hyuk pipe up in dismay at the same time.

“No ifs, ands, or
buts, kids, off you go,” N flaps his hands at the rest of them in a shooing
motion as Leo starts prodding everyone into movement and herding them to their
rooms.

“Alright, fine, we’ll
call it a draw,” Hongbin concedes reluctantly as he disappears into his room.
“We’ll see who’s right when the next episode comes out.”

“And then you’ll owe
me a box of choco pies, just like we discussed,” Hyuk returns without missing a
beat.

“Only in your sad,
small dreams, Han Sanghyuk. Night, hyungs, Jinjin.” Hongbin’s door shuts with a
brisk click.

“He always has to have
the last word,” Hyuk sniffs, before turning to Jinjin and grinning. “Well, that
was fun! We should do that again sometime. You’re a good debate partner, you
know.”

“I’d like that,
hyung,” Jinjin smiles, feeling something warm and contented spread throughout his
chest at the praise as Hyuk makes a hasty retreat into his room after receiving
a very pointed look from N.

“Night, Jinwoo-ah!”
Ken calls cheerfully, waving vigorously from where he’s being gently shoved
into his room by Leo.

“Night, Ken-hyung,”
Jinjin waves back as N perches on the edge of the couch next to him and begins
to check over his bandages.

“Maknaes, am I right?” N asks teasingly as they’re
finally left alone, seeming satisfied with how Jinwoo’s dressings are holding
up. The rapper could recognize that tone anywhere, full of exasperation and
affection, and he realizes N is speaking with him leader to leader, not as a
hyung to a dongsaeng.

“Tell me about it,” Jinwoo replies with a half grin half grimace as the cut under his hairline gives a small throb when N’s fingers
brush against the bandage covering it. “How have you managed to wrangle them
for over four years? And here I thought my members were a handful.”

“It’s a constant uphill battle,” N chuckles. “It has its
own rewards, though.”

Jinjin smiles, fully this time. “I know what you mean.” He
chews the inside of his cheek for a moment before venturing timidly, “What… what’s
it like?”

At N’s questioning look, he adds, “Being leader to a
group for so long, I mean? How do you… stand it?” How do you stand the constant
scrutiny, the endless hours in meetings with the managers and higher-ups, having
to bear the burdens of five other people on top of your own, the jabs and
slings from antis and the cutthroat media, the sasaengs who believe they are
entitled to more than you’re willing to give, the endless hours of practice and
stress and travel, comeback after comeback after comeback, year after year
after year?

N sits and processes the sudden question thoughtfully.
Finally, “It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. But then, I knew it would
be hard, from the first moment I knew I wanted to become an idol. But my
members, our Starlights… they make it all worth it. I wouldn’t trade my time
with them for anything.”

“Yeah, I feel the same way about my members and Arohas. I
feel so grateful for everything they’ve given me, and I want to go with them as
far as I can.” Jinjin looks down at his lap, at a sudden, frustrating loss for
words, wondering if he should even be admitting this kind of weakness in front
of someone he just met and whose respect he desperately wishes to earn. “I… it’s…
it’s just…”

“I know.” Jinjin feels a gentle hand rest on his head and
lightly ruffle his hair once before withdrawing. “It’s heavy. The burden of
being a leader. You feel like they can’t see you at your very worst, that you
have to take care of all the big things on your own, or else you’ll be failing
them, failing your fans, failing everyone who ever believed in you. Believe me,
I know.”

Jinjin blinks, looking up in surprise and more than a
little relief. N gets it. He’s never put
it into those exact terms before, but… “Yeah… pretty much. I mean… they voted
me to be the leader, so I know they all want me to be in that position, it’s
just… hard sometimes. All that responsibility. And it’s not their job to worry
about it, it’s mine, because they have enough to worry about, you know? I can’t
burden them with more. Well, except for MJ-hyung. I can’t really hide much from
him. I do, sometimes, and at the end of the day, it’s my responsibility to make
sure everything that needs to be done gets done, but he always seems to know
when it’s getting too much for me. I don’t know what I’d do without him,
honestly.”

N nods with a small, rueful smile. “Having someone older
than you to help ease the burden of leadership is a great help, I’m sure.” Jinjin
is painfully reminded that N’s never really had that. Sure, he has Leo, who he’s sure does
a lot to assist N whenever possible… but having a same-aged friend isn’t
exactly the same as having a hyung, someone who can take the responsibility off
your shoulders for a short while, someone who is older, wiser, more
experienced, and hopefully has more answers than you. His respect for the older
man rises a couple more notches.

“It is, but it’s still hard. Even MJ-hyung doesn’t have
all the answers, sometimes.” He glances over at N. “But you’ve been in the business
for four years. You’re the oldest. You had to figure it all out on your own. How
did you do it?”

N sighs. “Like I said, it was… difficult at first.
Especially those first couple years after debut. It was amazing, too, don’t get
me wrong, but there also were times I felt… very alone. Like the weight of
being the one in charge was slowly crushing me.”

“But you don’t feel that way anymore, right? What
changed?”

“Me,” N answers with another small, lopsided smile. “Or
rather, my view of my members. I’d always been hesitant about going to them
with any of my problems, especially the ones related to my responsibilities as
leader. I always thought… that if I couldn’t handle them on my own, then I was
failing them. Failing myself. That their trust in me would be misplaced and
that I wasn’t worthy of the title of leader. I was young and inexperienced and
I had very little practice being the oldest, let alone the oldest of a group of
five other people that all depended on me to make the important decisions that
could drastically affect their careers.”

Jinjin nods in sympathy. He knows that feeling very well.

N continues. “But as I got older and got to know my
members better, I realized that instead of feeling like I failed them if I came
to them with my problems, they were actually just worried about me and wanted
me to feel like I could trust them with my problems. For me to give some of my
burden away so they could help me carry it. Instead of driving them away, it
turned out that sharing my problems and my feelings with them actually made us
all closer. Knowing that they have my back just as much as I have theirs, that
we’re all in this together equally… it gives me the strength to keep going.

He glances at Jinwoo, still smiling slightly. “Bottom
line, if you have goodhearted members – and I’m pretty confident that you do – they’ll
want to help you when you can’t handle everything yourself or just need to
talk. Being there for your members is important, but so is letting them be
there for you, too. I just hope you don’t take as long as I did to figure that
out.”

Jinjin nods again slowly, touched and rather humbled that
the older idol is confiding in him so readily like this. They only just met,
yet Jinjin feels as comfortable around him as if he’s known him for months. “I’ll
do my best, hyung.”

“Glad to hear it,” N grins, patting the boy on the
shoulder and standing up from the couch. “So now that I’m done sounding like an
ajusshi for the day, I’ll leave the painkillers with you just in case you need
more during the night, and I’ll be in my room if you need anything. Do you want
to give your members a call before bed?”

Jinjin perks up immediately at the offer, and an
affirmative is on the tip of his tongue before he stops, considering. He
desperately wants to see his members’ faces again, to hear their voices, for
life to return to some semblance of normalcy, but… he’d caught a glimpse of
himself in the bathroom mirror earlier, and, as Hyuk so eloquently put it, he
does indeed look like he got mobbed by a horde of rabid baseball bats. He
doesn’t want his members to see him like this just yet, or to worry more than
they already are.

So, reluctantly, he shakes his head. “No, not tonight.
Thanks for offering, though.”

N seems to have
followed his train of thought and gives him a knowing look before gathering up
his laptop and turning out the lights. “Alright then. Have a good rest.”

“You too, hyung.”

Once N disappears into
his room, leaving his door cracked open an inch, Jinjin slowly, painfully
lies back down, his battered muscles silently groaning with every movement. He
snuggles into the cool material of his pillowcase with a soft sigh and pulls
the blanket up to his nose, squeezing his borrowed plushie close to his chest.
He’d never admit it, but having something soft and squishy to cuddle with is
actually quite comforting. He can see why Ken recommended it.

He’s much too tired to
muse on the events of the day for much longer, though, and within minutes, the
boy is fast asleep once again.

0000000

A/N: I based N and Jinjin’s
conversation in this chapter a number of observations I’ve made based on
comments and interviews done earlier in VIXX’s career, particularly these two
quotes from Ravi concerning N, the first of which is from 2014, the second from three
years later: 

“I wish he would
loosen a bit and be a little more comfortable. Because he has to do a lot of
work, he can’t really grasp his confidence in front of us either. So, I wish he
could be a little more relaxed.” (2014) 

“N-hyung used to bear everything alone and
settle things on his own in the past, but now he has opened his heart more, and
rather than shutting himself in, he now shares a lot with us and shares his
feelings with us, so I’m less worried about him.” (2017)

This fic is set mid-2016, but I like to think that N
started opening up more to the other members considerably prior to Ravi giving that
quote, even though it’s mere speculation on my part.