I just finished babysitting my friend’s children, and she has most definitely mastered the no spanking/alternative discipline route. I always talk about taking it because I don’t believe in abusing children, but I’ve never personally seen it in action by a Black parent. Her children are 2 and 5 and they are the kindest, nicest toddlers I’ve ever met. They listen to her because she’s their mom and they automatically recognize she’s important and she gives them what they want (love and affection and rewards). In return they like to clean for her and give her artwork and cuddles all of the time.
To get them to listen to her, she makes sure to listen to them and what they’ve got to say instead of telling them to shut up all the time. The 5 year old asked her a few months ago why you can’t eat food that was on the floor after picking up food on the floor, and she explained it calmly and clearly. He asked 4 other questions after that and she answered all of them. He was satisfied and happy with the answers, and ever since he hasn’t done those things. She lets them gush and gush about Hot Wheels or Team Umizoomi and engages with them and counts with them and everything, so they never feel alone or neglected enough to not want to obey.
My friend lets them make mistakes by themselves on the rare chance they don’t listen so they can learn from them and let that be punishment enough. For example, the younger one we’ve been telling not to go near the dog cage because he doesn’t like dogs. He went near it a while ago, got his hand licked, freaked out, and hasn’t been anywhere near it since. The board on the wall that she uses has a column for each boy horizontally, and vertically are all the traits she wants them to have, like being nice, listening to her and their teachers, eating their food, cleaning up, having manners, etc. They get a sticker whenever they do it for the day, and they lose all their stickers when they break a habit. That’s enough punishment for them, so they don’t break it.
When they wake up, it’s cleanup time, or bedtime, she plays what she calls “musical habits”. She puts on a playlist of their favorite songs (it’s like 20-25 minutes) that make them feel motivated, and they should be finished getting ready or cleaning by the time the last song is over. If they’re not, they get a toy from their toy bin taken away or an Oreo from their snack bag taken out (aka eaten by her). But she hasn’t ever gotten to that because they always finish. They don’t even like hearing the consequences lol. And I just wanted to say I really enjoyed seeing good parenting by a Black woman that wasn’t abusive or harmful to the child’s development, it gave me inspiration and hope. Just had to talk about it somewhere.
THIS IS GOOD WHOLESOME PARENTING
This gives me hope. I’m gonna try to emulate this if I have kids
Tag: parenting
I will always be proud of you. – Rat Queens #8
She’s me but like, opposite
anyway I love her
friendly-neighborhood-patriarch:
consider: teenagers aren’t apathetic about everything they’re just used to you shitting all over whatever they show excitement about
Teen: *gets a job*
“I GOT THE JOB!”
Parents: Well, when I was your age, I already had 5 jobs and was supporting my family
Teen: *has a hobby*
“CHECK OUT THIS COOL THING!”
Parents: That’s a ridiculous waste of time, it’s never going to turn into anything profitable, you should be focused on school/SATs/college, when are you going to get serious about your life?
Teen: *Gets into college/university*
“I GOT INTO (College/University)!”
Parents: (after pulling the above nonsense) “See? We, your incredibly Good Parents helped you get into this college! You should be more grateful! :)))))”
Oof
So when a kid is laying on the floor in a shop screaming u get down to their level n say ohhh noooo darling don’t do that pleaaaase that’s naughty cmon get up be a good boy or girl. The kids gonna stop n get up lmao. U say if u don’t get up right now I’m gonna give ya a whip on the arse..1…2…n I bet they’ll get up.
No. You remove your child from the scene (because children are often reacting to overstimulation such as the grocery store is too loud, the room is too bright, there’s people they don’t know around, they’ve been there too long etc) and go somewhere quiet. You then sit with them as they cry, reassuring them that you are present, and once they have stopped crying you offer comfort and ask if they know what it is that they were so upset about. Then you calmly talk to them so they – and you – can understand and fix the problem that was the root of the tantrum.
Bad example;
‘Why are you crying?’
‘I’m hungry’
‘Well we’re going home soon!’Good example;
‘Do you know why you were crying?’
‘I’m hungry’
‘We’re at the grocery store to get food. We only have three more aisles to go. We can count them down together. Then we’ll go home and we can eat.’Children don’t understand ‘soon’; even for adults, ‘soon’ is a relative term. children understand things like ‘three aisles. Two. One. Now we’re going home!’
Children need communication, understanding and teaching. Not beating, intimidating or belittling.
Get therapy.
you can really tell when you walk into someone’s house if their parents made them do chores as a kid or not
if any of my followers are adults with young kids… please for the love of all that is holy, make those children do chores. make them wash the dishes and clean the bathrooms. teach them how to do their laundry. make them help you with dinner.
i am almost 23 years old and none of my roommates and only half my friends know how to take care of themselves or their living spaces. there’s filth on countertops, moldering dishes in the sink, i can’t take my shoes off because i don’t want even my socks to touch the floor, the showers look like i’d be less clean if i used them. it radiates a complete lack of self respect.
i have seen baby boomers and older millennials calling it abuse to make kids do chores, and i call bullshit. chores are how kids learn to become functional adults. i had to do the dishes every night, clean the kitchen and bathroom once a week, do all my own laundry, and help cook dinner. and i’m ~magically~ one of the only people i know who has a respectable standard of cleanliness for my home.
it’s not rocket science. it’s good parenting. please make your children do chores, and thank you for coming to my TED talk.
Wha-….I…how is making your kids do chores “abuse”? Why would you even think that?
Mom: Honey, could you do these dishes?
Kid: I HATE THIS FUCKING FAMILY
adults, while forcing all children above the age of 5 to sit still, be silent, and obey orders for 7-8 hours a day with minimal breaks, reducing their exposure to fresh air and sunlight to almost nothing, forcing them to alter their natural sleeping patterns to increase productivity, and repeatedly telling them their self worth depends on their being able to follow these instructions perfectly for 13 or more years: kids these days are so lazy! they never go outside! they never want to do anything! clearly it’s not because of us!
The way we treat children is extremely inhumane, but so many adults want to dismiss it because it’s so normalized
How To Get Your Kids To Do Chores (Without Resenting It)
Do you ever read an article that’s frustrating not because it’s so wrong, but because it’s so right
So basically, stop thinking of toddlers as burdens and they’ll grow up to want to help you.
How to determine if a kids injury is serious or not
offer them “medicinal chocolate” if they stop crying it’s fine if they carry on crying/refuse the chocolate then it’s serious
From age two apparently^^
Oh wow I never heard this one.
German edition: offer the kid to blow away the pain. If it’s better afterwards it’s okay, if they refuse or still screaming it’s serious
Also a lot healthier than giving your kid chocolate everytime they cry tbh
It’s not everytime they cry it’s only if they get injured and you’re unsure if it’s serious because they are screaming but you can’t tell if they are overreacting or not
For things that are clearly a minor bump we give kisses instead
And before anyone thinks if a kid is screaming it’s not an over reaction
My kid fell off their bike and skinned their knee. Just skinned it that’s all and they went into full on scream/crying hysterical because it was bleeding and they hadn’t had an injury where they bled within their memory
It wasn’t so much the pain as the blood that made them hysterical.
In that case we could see it wasn’t serious but the chocolate helped them calm down and then I got them to tell me about Terraria until they were calm and their wound was dressed
It was absolutely an overreaction to a skinned knee but it was also an understandable one
Kids don’t have experience or pain tolerance we do and sometimes it’s hard to tell if it’s something that requires a trip to the hospital or not
Write Your Story
I just showed my 11-year-old son how many coffee shop AUs there are on AO3.
Why?
He sat down the other day to write a Minecraft story about three kids who go through a portal in their back yard and end up in the world of Minecraft where they have to battle all the big bosses (I didn’t even realize there WERE big bosses in Minecraft but that’s beside the point). He wrote three chapters with a little input from me – his first beta – and y’all?
He was fucking excited. To be writing a story.
Today he came home from school and seemed a little down, so I asked him about it only to find out that some little asshole at his school told him, “There is already a Minecraft story.”
Me: Okay? So what?
Lucifer: If there’s already a story, no one will read mine.
Immediately, I dragged him in and pulled up my AO3 account. My boys know I write fanfiction, so I showed him my account and how many subscribers I have. Then I showed him how many Teen Wolf stories there are. And then, because it seemed like the perfect analogy, I said, “What if I wrote a story where two characters meet in a coffee shop and fall in love? No werewolves, nothing at all to do with the actual Teen Wolf universe. Just Stiles and Derek meet in a coffeeshop and fall in love.”
He laughed.
I showed him Mornings Aren’t For Everyone. Showed him how many hits it had, how many kudos, how many lovely comments.
Then I said, “So do you think, if anyone else wrote a story about those exact same characters meeting in a coffee shop and falling in love… would anyone read it?”
He laughed and said, “No because you already did.”
So I clicked on the Sterek tag and refined to coffee shop AU. His mind was blown to see that they ALL had thousands of hits and kudos and comments. Then I clicked on JUST the coffee shop AU tag and showed him all the fics across all the fandoms written by countless different people.
I’m going to tell you all now what I told him because it applies to everyone.
Write your story. It doesn’t matter that someone else has written a story about that subject. They didn’t write YOUR story. Only you can do that.
And I want to read your story.
Holy crap, this is A+ parenting and such a good lesson.
Seriously, for anyone out there who have ever thought “Oh, it’s been done,” you know what? DO IT ANYWAY BECAUSE IT WILL BE YOUR STORY AND THAT ALONE IS AMAZING.
THIS IS THE BEST COMMERCIAL EVER
I’ve reblogged this so many times because I truly think every parent should involve themselves with what their child enjoys.
Not to mention this is an act of solidarity. He’s saying “even if the entire world is against you, I’m on your side.” Which I think is important for a kid to know. He’s refusing to be a bully to his child, even if he doesn’t understand.
I work at Hot Topic and we had a white suburban dad in who was buying matching heavy metal/screamo band shirts for him and his teenage daughter and said “To be honest, I think this stuff sounds like garbage, but she likes it so we listen to it together and we’re going to the concert for Christmas.” And it was just really heartwarming to see him so involved in his child’s life and validating her interests.
I WILL NEVER NOT REBLOG THIS.
“I don’t get it, but I love how you love it” is one of the best things anyone can say. My entire family asks questions about comics because they want to share my enthusiasm for them and support me, even though they otherwise wouldn’t pay attention to the industry at all.
I cried when I first saw this
This is amazing and really important
I went though a goth faze in my teens (like most) and I wanted more than anything to paint my room black. My mom was supportive of my personal expression in terms of my clothes and hair and accessories but she was genuinely concerned about the toll a black room would take on my mental health (I was already prone to recurring depression at that point and still am). I begged for months to repaint my room, but she wouldn’t budge.
One weekend i spent with my dad and when I came back she had repainted my room. A beautiful deep blue on three walls (my favourite colour), lovely sky blue on the ceiling,and one wall was black. The black wall had been sanded smooth and painted with several coats of chalkboard paint. She gave me a couple boxes of chalk and told me to have at it. I LOVED that black wall and wrote on it every day. I drew on it, I doodled, I wrote out my favourite emo song lyrics, wrote reminders for myself, anything I wanted. It was my favourite part of my room and was something that it would have never occurred to me to ask for. It was something only my very creative and clever mom could have come up with and I’m still grateful to her for it.
In retrospect, a room of black walls would indeed have been encouraging a reacurrence of my depression and my moms answer was the perfect compromise. That black wall ended up being the most colourful part of my room.
Wow this is really beautiful. You have a great mom
bless
Cute
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