meridork:

Mental illness is not poor writing.

Lapis has some intense PTSD. She was basically a prisoner of war for thousands of years, and no one knew she was there. She finally gets released and treated like a person, and it gets ruined all over again when she’s dragged back to her hellhole of imprisonment (earth). Then to put another layer of trauma on her, she’s trapped in a horribly (mutually) abusive relationship and she can’t let go or the only person who’s ever cared about her (Steven) will probably die. Then when she’s finally free of that, finally healing (slowly), finally trusting Peridot, she’s triggered (y’all have ruined this word) by talk of the diamonds and the only thing she has room for in her messed-up psyche is fear. So she tries to get away, but it hurts to leave her once-home and once-family (peridot, possibly the gems). But she is operating on a broken system. A system broken over and over. Mental illness doesn’t make sensible decisions. It takes and it takes and she’s trying but it’s too much. She’s hurting people because she’s so hurt herself, she can only think of running away to maybe find some peace. Eventually she’ll realize alone isn’t what saves her, it’s friends. But she’s not there yet. Trauma isn’t healed in a day or even a year. It takes a lifetime.

“Maybe I’ll find myself smiling on that distant shore

Maybe I’m not alone”