Review of the book Zeus Grants Stupid Wishes by Cody O’Brien.

systlin:

between-stars-and-waves:

marzipanandminutiae:

snarkymonkeyprime:

talkingcinemalight:

my-abibliophobia:

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To sum up this book in a single sentence – “What would happen is Deadpool wrote a mythology book.”

Yeah, this guy-

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Wrote a book. Here are some examples of why I think this.

GREEK MYTHOLOGY 

The Greek creation myth.

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The story of Hephaestus god of Blacksmithing and Aphrodite Goddess of Love.

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The story of the Minotaur. 

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NORSE MYTHOLOGY

Norse creation myth.

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Odin orders Loki to steal Freyja’s necklace. He does. This is so in character for both of them Freyja instantly knows who to blame.  

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EGYPTIAN MYTHOLOGY

Ra gets mad at humanity and creates Sekhmet Lion Goddess of Killing Stuff. 

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How Isis retrieves her huband’s coffin from the support pillar it got stuck inside.

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MAYAN MYTHOLOGY

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How to try and kill the god Zipacna and fail. 

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CHRISTIANITY MYTHOLOGY

How God made Eve from Adam’s rib. 

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The story of how King Solomon judges proper maternal instinct. 

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HINDU MYTHOLOGY

Men ask Shiva to stop Kali’s murder rampage.

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And this is how he does it. 

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JAPANESE MYTHOLOGY

The Goddess Izanami gives birth to the whole island of Japan. 

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A story about Tanuki.

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AFRICAN MYTHOLOGY

Creation myth

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SUMERIAN MYTHOLOGY

Creation myth

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The Epic of Gilgamesh: Being born

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The Epic of Gilgamesh: Meeting his best friend.

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NATIVE AMERICAN MYTHOLOGY

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Do I really need to explain why I feel the Merc with a mouth was involved in the retelling here?

I have this book. I’ve read it about ten times and I love it.

@systlin

This guy has a whole website

It’s called Better Myths, and it is a GIFT

I need this book!

@infernoking @d20-darling @askkakuro @thefingerfuckingfemalefury @windows-operating-system

The norse myth thing is 1000000% in character.

cyborgcaitlin:

simonalkenmayer:

drownedduck:

take-my-life-not-my-heart:

welcometocaritas:

harblkun:

krazykitsune:

leupagus:

jaaaaaaaaaackfrost:

frostlands:

jaaaaaaaaaackfrost:

but what if a vampire drank the blood of someone who was anemic like would they be seriously grossed out

“what the fuck is this”

“i have anemia”

“can you take something for that you should probably take something for that this shit is nasty to drink let alone have running through your body i’m setting up a doctor’s appointment for you”

“dude really you don’t have to just leave what the fu—”

“you disgust me here take these iron supplements”

“where did you even get th—”

“shut up and take your pills and dont forget your vitamin D”

“i’m going to check up on you weekly to make sure you’re taking them”

“that’s not necessary”

“maybe we should work on a dietary plan with foods rich in iron and other things for you”

“do you get this involved with all of your meals”

VAMPIREDUDE:
did u get the cookbook i orderd 4 u

ME:
Oh my god, first of all stop using text speak, you told me you were 278, second how did you know where I LIVED, third yes I got it.

VAMPIREDUDE:
heard onions were good 4 blood, eat lots

ME:
So you can have a tasty meal? I guess you’d rather I stay away from garlic, huh.

VAMPIREDUDE:
UR being v rude I just got u a present!!!

ME:
THE COOKBOOK IS CALLED “HOW TO TASTE DELICIOUS,” I AM CALLING THE COPS

#sounds like the begining of a beautiful friendship #gimme this sitcom

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The Sun will go down eventually!

still a better love story than twilight

LOVE THIS

@simonalkenmayer @vampireapologist And probably @thebibliosphere too.

Finally someone distilled truth from mythology. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to suggest supplements and doctors visits just from smelling people.

I would 10000% watch/read this.

howtobangyourmonster:

werewolfism:

WIKIPEDIA MONSTER COMPILATION PAGES FOR PEOPLE

Saving for later 👍

rainewhisper:

mana-ramp-matoran:

mask-of-prime:

hello-kitty-senpai:

luxtempestas:

luxtempestas:

mantises are the closest living thing to centaurs

it checks out but dont ever say it again

Shut your insectophobic ass up

Go get em MoP. Mantis are cool. I pick em up and put them in safe places when I find them.

In 2014 I made up a race of tiny insectoid fairy centaurs based on the praying mantis. Never underestimate the inspiration of nature.