Lads, forget commissions, this may very well be the most work I’ve put into a picture ever. Can you tell I had a ball on it?
This awesome poster project was commissioned by a lovely DM to celebrate her party’s one year anniversary! Congratulations, guys, and you have a really awesome DM if this is the kind of thing getting schemed up.
Behold… the most self-indulgent dnd character I’ve made yet. Some friends and I are going to be playing a one-shot up at Colossalcon so
This is Thistle the cervitaur Glamour Bard. She’s from the feywild, travelling the Material Plane for acts of true love of every kind as inspiration for her novels. Got a little sidetracked along the way when she met a goth kid (another bard played by my friend) and they formed a travelling band together.
to help with decision making when going on a date, my bf and i created a list of 20 restaurants we like. 1 being ihop (as a joke, neither of us actually like ihop), 20 being our favorite steakhouse, with the rest in no particular order. we roll a d20 and go to the corresponding place
after i wrote the list down, he goes “roll it, let’s go to dinner tomorrow night!” i got excited, he got a die out, and i fucking CRIT FAILED and now we’re FORCED to go to ihop tomorrow because both of us are too stubborn to back out omg
im currently on the phone with him and im saying “what time you wanna go” and he’s all “to ihop? what time are we going to ihop?” omg he just keeps saying ihop to emphasize how dumb we are
okay but this is the cutest and most real shit i’ve ever seen.
The rolls are meaningless if critical failures don’t come with consequences.
“I pick up the knife” is now a mini-meme among my party and obviously it just means “I did something impulsive and now it’s going to take two sessions to solve.”
“I pick up the knife” saga continues because listen we can sit around failing investigation checks all day or we could play d&d
Undertale au where the whole game is a D&D session and Asriel is the DM
Frisk: i roll to pet the dog.
Asriel: you pet the dog. it was a good dog.
Frisk: i roll to pet th-
Asriel: Frisk you’ve been petting the dog for the past 5 turns you can stop now.
Frisk: i roll to pet the dog.
Asriel: The Absolute God of Hyperdeath casts Galacta Blazing-
Papyrus: I DON’T REMEMBER SEEING THAT SPELL IN ANY OF THE RULE BOOKS. OR THIS CHARACTER. OR ANYTHING FROM THIS CAMPAIGN, REALLY.
Asriel: W-well, it’s from the newest edition available online, s-so just hush. Anyway, Frisk, roll for evasion.
Frisk: I rolled a 1.
Asriel: Galacta Blazing strikes you square in the chest, piercing your very soul and dealing 5d8 arcane damage totaling…29 damage after armor and resistance. Your life is brought to -20, killing yo-
Frisk: I roll to resist.
Asriel: What.
Frisk: I roll to resist dying.
Asriel: Frisk you have a Light Armor score of 3 and no magic resistance, how are you going to-
Frisk: My soul is too determined and refuses to die.
Asriel: …Okay, fine. You make one last ditch effort to resist the God of Hyperdeath’s pow-
Papyrus: I LOOKED UP THE LATEST EDITION OF THE RULE BOOKS ONLINE BUT I COULDN’T FIND THE GOD OF HYPERDEATH ANYWHERE, AND GALACTA BLAZING ISN’T IN ANY OF THE SPELL COMPENDIUMS.
Asriel: Papyrus, not now! I’m just about to wi-
Frisk: I rolled a 20.
Asriel: …Your soul refused to die…restoring you to full health…
Frisk: I buy a hot dog.
Asriel: you can’t buy a hot dog you don’t have enough bag space.
Sans: I put the hot dog on their head.
Asriel: …
Sans: I roll to put the hot dog on Frisk’s head.
Asriel: you put the got dog on Frisk’s head.
Frisk: I want another hot dog.
Sans: I put another hot dog on their head.
Asriel: *internal screaming*
Ariel: You enter the clearing. There’s a route going down to the right and it opens out in front of you. It’s really nice and peaceful. The town is in sight, and there’s the smell of cinnamon in the air. It feels safe.
Undyne: A clearing?? Sounds like an ARENA to me
Papyrus: THAT DOES SOUND QUITE SUSPICIOUS.
Asriel: No, but it’s really peaceful, guys. You get the impression this would be a great place to sit down and check supplies. I know I’ve made you go through a load of puzzles, but I figured you deserved a break to –
Frisk: I check for traps.
Asriel: Um, okay. Make a roll?
Frisk: 13 on Notice.
Asriel: Okay… you go to the first bump in the snow. It’s a snow poff.
god outta nowhere i just remembered the time i was in a game where the dm didn’t read one of the character’s backstories carefully enough and allowed someone to make it all the way to the final session with the hidden ability to turn into a motorcycle
lydia you cant just say stuff like this and then not explain exactly how this was performed
k so. one of the first big games i played with my current meatspace gaming group was a really excellent post-apocalyptic homebrew game. really excellent. but it was also wild as hell, had a lot of players, and was the dm’s first big game, so it was at times a real exercise in controlled chaos. and my good bro willie…my bro willie was kind of at the brunt of it. both in that he always to this day plays really chaotic characters that can’t avoid trouble, and also in that due to that and other misfortunes he died like every other session towards the end. he went through five or six characters by the time the campaign was over. one didn’t even last a full session. it was remarkable to witness actually.
but anyway, towards the end, the dm was fairly overwhelmed and dealing with a lot of other characters doing epic-level wasteland nonsense, and kinda threw reading willies backstories to the wayside. which was unfortunate for him, because willie hails from the ‘3 pages or more’ school of backstories, and by this time in the campaign was coping with his characters’ constant deaths by planning backup character well in advance, to the point where they all had intricate, complex connections to each previous character. so when he dies due to circumstances out of his control before the very last few sessions (the first but certainly not last character death he had due to betrayal: willie im still sorry) its not too suprising that he comes back as this brooding edgy darth vader guy with a five page backstory about how he had obtained a horrific nanosuit cyborg body, and the dm approves it, but sure as hell doesn’t read the whole thing bc he’s planning the final confrontation at this point.
cut to the middle of the incredibly serious final session, where his character and my character and my character’s children are fighting for their lives to escape the facility where they are currently caught in the crossfire between a raging, dying artificial intelligence and religiously zealous psychic juggernaut (long story). the dm is giving us a very bleak countdown of how long we have to get out before the whole place collapses but his character just turns to mine with a “don’t worry, just trust me” and willie smiles, looks up at the dm, and is like, “i activiate my nanite body and turn into a motorcycle”, which unfortunately was completely street legal with what he’d detailed in his backstory, so that’s exactly what he fuckin did, as the dm put his head in his hands.
end result: we survived.
this is my favorite 3 paragraphs ive ever read thank you lydia
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