Tag: Critical Role

gnomeontherage:

Impressions of the new crew:

Fjord: Tired Dad ™, tired from carRYIGN THIS FAMILY ON HIS BACK GIVE MY TIRED SON SOME SUPPORT Y’ALL

Caleb: Tired Dad™, tired from running from his problems and hiding his small goblin daughter from the law

Nott: I love her but do not trust her except with her dad’s life, I want her to have all the sparklies

Molly: over here rolling need on Bard loot, loves Hot Topic but doesn’t want anyone to know so everything he wears looks like the gothic lolita side of Hot Topic but hand-made by a small ukranian woman

Beau: “Deep philosophy question guys, if it can’t be punched, is it real? I’m serious. Also possibly high.”

Jester: why is she the healer, she is’t sure how she feels about this, she just wants to eat pastries and travel while sticking whoopie cushions under unsuspecting bar patrons.

souridealist:

hello everyone, I was recently reminded of how badly I want fic that’s just Beau and Mollymauk stumbling into 80000 traditional shipfic premises, but they actually don’t have any UST whatsoever and are both just having the Worst Time

  • There Is Only One Bed. they spend thirty minutes snippily offering it to each other while insisting they themselves are Very Tough and Don’t Need A Bed and it very nearly ends in both of them sleeping on the floor next to a perfectly good bed before they calm down a bit. Beau takes the mattress and Molly gets the floor but takes the blankets and pillows.
  • they are caught in the cold and the rain and have to cuddle naked for warmth. it’s just forty-five minutes of them lying back to back and complaining about each other’s elbows and personal hygiene. 
  • for outside plot reasons they need to disguise themselves as a couple. Molly immediately announces that they’re ascetics and for religious reasons barely touch in public. Beau has a horrible coughing fit at the very idea of Molly and ascetic in the same sentence but appreciates the save
  • Oh No, We Are Skulking In An Alley And Need To Provide An Innocuous Reason For This To The Nearby Guards, Better Pretend We’re Fucking. the guards immediately come to investigate what the hell is making these extremely unconvincing moans and finds the two of them leaning gingerly against each other and looking absolutely murderous. it’s immediately obvious they’re faking but they pretend they were trying to cover for the sale of untaxed moonshine and are let off with a warning. they spend the entire trip back to the group criticizing each other’s acting. 

probably all of these are in fact a bonding experience but they also hate their lives so much.