I know cats have a stigma of being evil little robots who care for nobody but themselves. I don’t deny that there are some out there like this. But in defense of the large majority of darling cats who have been given a bad name due to the wicked few, I would like to tell you a story…
I am asthmatic. I’m not as bad as some; my asthma is generally well-controlled, and I don’t have much trouble with it on a daily basis. However, as all asthmatics know, getting sick becomes a nightmare. Even a small cold can turn into a days-long asthma attack, one that is very painful, and very annoying for me and those around me. The asthma cough sounds like an ill seal at best, or an angry moose with a nasal condition at worst. Y’all with asthma, and y’all with asthmatic friends, know exactly what I’m talking about. The bark. The hack. The Cough Heard Round The World. It’s painful, it’s loud, and it doesn’t stop. Even the rescue inhaler can only do so much to calm it. It just has to run its course with the cold.
Well, this week I caught the crud, and in the past few days it deteriorated into The Cough. Last night, I took some NyQuil to try and stave it off for as long as I could, just to try and get some sleep. That meant that for a few hours, I was cough-free. After that, I was still doped up enough to sleep through some of it. However, by 2am the sleep aid had worn off and The Cough woke me up. Since lying down makes it worse, and I didn’t want to wake my sister, I sneaked out of my bedroom into the living room, where I sat on the recliner and proceeded to hack up a lung while I waited for my next dose of NyQuil to kick in. That is when I noticed Simon.
Simon is a Russian Blue with a masterful resting-witch-face and an attitude to match. She (yes, she’s a girl, that’s another story) is old, fat, proprietary, and attitudinal. She isn’t shy about telling you when she is displeased, and does so with a loud shriek and some teeth or claws thrown in. She is convinced she owns the place, and owns all of us in turn. She is particular about where you can pet her, like most cats; and, like most cats, she loves her sleep and hates to be woken up.
And of course, my hacking woke her up.
Attempting to whisper an apology in between bouts of coughing, I noticed she was getting off her perch atop the chair nearby. She stretched, made a little squeaking sound, and trotted over to me.
I expected her to demand petting as payment for having woken her precious sleep, but she did not. Instead, this traditionally cranky dragon of a cat did something that amazed me.
She began to purr loudly, and sat herself directly on my aching chest. She kneaded my sternum softly, and nosed my chin as if to say, “I’ve got this, you sleep.” Even though I was still coughing, and bouncing her horridly in the process, she remained settled on my chest right above my diaphragm, purring loudly so that it vibrated through my ribs. I don’t know what magic spell she was chanting between her boat-like purrs, but within minutes my cough had subsided and I was able to sleep.
I didn’t wake up until about 4:30. When I did, it was to discover that my lap and chest were devoid of Simon’s presence, and I was coughing again. As I started coughing once more, I heard her familiar “I’m here” squeak from the area of the water dish. I heard some hurried lapping, and then her heavy gallop across the floor. She flumped onto my lap again, and resumed her purring and kneading. She had evidently been doing that for the past 2 hours, and had only left to get some water. Hydrated, she had returned to take care of me.
So yes, she has her share of evil, jerk-cat moments, but I can no longer pretend that Simon is entirely heartless. For that matter, I now refuse to believe that about any cat. Just because they act like a jerk doesn’t mean that they don’t love you.
Maternity and paternity leave is really important, paternity leave is, I think, a really important part of equality. Normalise the idea that men will raise children, be these men hetero or gay.
All parents need time to bond with a new baby, and time to acclimate themselves to all that’s required to care for one.
On top of forming a connection with their child, this can help to simplify distribution of labor when it comes to childcare. This way, there isn’t just one parent doing everything most of the time and then one confused parent in over their head anytime the other hands the baby off so they can go shower, get some food in them, go shopping/to a meeting, etc.
ALSO a woman will need weeks and months to heal from the birth. My husband always felt so guilty about leaving back to work just two weeks after the baby was born with BOTH our kids, because he knew I was still figuring out breastfeeding, getting used to the new baby, far too tired to clean/cook, etc. He obviously helped out outside of work, but that is so much to ask of anyone to work 9-5 and then play homemaker on top of that. Fathers need rest and time to enjoy the baby too.
It’s honestly ridiculous that fathers are expected to only spare a few weeks (at most) post-labor. The mother just went through one of the most physically traumatic episodes the human body is capable of, she’s not going to be bouncing back to normal after a few weeks. It’s a critical time when the father is needed more than ever to ease the adjustment period.
I’ve seen people complain that paternal leave is a “scam”. Certainly a lot of companies seem to think so. But the truth is that our culture is so consumer/work based, that career and money is everything, that we (a) assume that any attempt at paid leave is gimmicking the system, and (b) that parenthood is not a reasonable thing to prioritize over making income
Fathers are often portrayed in media as helpless with children or unable to empathize as well as mothers. And you know what? There’s some truth to that because of how society depicts men’s roles in parenthood since the early 20th century. Their job is to make a living and discipline. Not spend time connecting to their offspring.
Let fathers bond with their kids. It starts at the beginning. Spare them at least a month to get to know their son or daughter. Let them enjoy getting to know each babies’ unique personality outside of late-night wake-ups. Without paternity leave, they must choose between being a good husband and father, or putting bread on the table.
You, a postmodernist, naiive human: our hunter-gatherer ancestors lived in peace with eachother! war and violence are modern inventions perpetuated by the creation of hierarchy and capitalism!
Me, an archaeologist:
Literally every dig site: 3000 arrow heads l, some broken pottery, more arrow heads
Unga and Grugg were living like the kinda dudes that buy ammo by the barrel